#11  
Old 01-09-2008, 04:23 PM
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firediver firediver is offline
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On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
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  #12  
Old 01-09-2008, 04:24 PM
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A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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  #13  
Old 01-09-2008, 04:25 PM
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firediver firediver is offline
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
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  #14  
Old 01-09-2008, 04:29 PM
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Beware male duck hunters!
Attached Images
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  #15  
Old 01-09-2008, 06:15 PM
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if you've seen this, thats OK. its worth a second viewing......

http://hotair.com/archives/2007/10/1...ead-terrorist/

enjoy

if you have some time to kill, watch all of the clips. click on menu, and then click on the one you want. compilation and sweetdaddyd are the best. spicy language warning. jingle bombs is good also.

Last edited by TLC; 01-09-2008 at 08:14 PM.
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  #16  
Old 01-09-2008, 06:22 PM
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Default The Broken Mower

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow, I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The Dr's say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other one is the husband.
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  #17  
Old 01-09-2008, 06:28 PM
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Default The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10 You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9 You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on the road.

# 8 If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

# 7 Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6 Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5 A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4 Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3 A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

# 2 A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after using it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman......

# 1 YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!
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  #18  
Old 01-09-2008, 08:20 PM
nhbowhunter21 nhbowhunter21 is offline
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Default Funny?

Why are you laughing? Isn't that true?
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  #19  
Old 01-10-2008, 09:24 AM
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My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I;m in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond!!!
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  #20  
Old 01-10-2008, 09:50 AM
letshunt44 letshunt44 is offline
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Tom had been in the POLICE WORK for 25 years. Finally sick of the
stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a
Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about
5:00 .."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some
local folks Thank you."

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink
with the best of 'em".

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be
some fighting' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks
again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've
been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way,
what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."
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