Old 02-02-2009, 06:46 AM
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OhioCooner OhioCooner is offline
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LOL Those were some Good Ones!!

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Old 02-02-2009, 08:16 AM
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YorkArcher YorkArcher is offline
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A Priest, a Rabbi and an Nun walk into a bar...

The bartender looks at them and says:

"What is this a joke?????"
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Old 02-02-2009, 10:26 AM
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Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jacka** lying dead in the middle of his front lawn....

He promptly called the local police station.

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jacka** lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,..."Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, .....but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."


Back in the early days of Texas, old Judge Roy Bean was confronted with a touchy situation.It seems that a grizzly old prospector was accused of having two wives. The man was hauled before Judge Roy Bean and the judge said, "You're going to have to give up one of your wives." The prospector protested. He pounded his fists on the judge's bench and said, "That ain't right, your honor. I love Kate. And I love Edith, too. And I don't want to give up either of 'em." The judge bangled his gavel and said, "Order in the court! Now listen, here, you know the law west of the Pecos says
you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."


A man in Denver, CO. decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute."

Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Austin, Green Bay, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and got the same answer from each pastor..

Finally, he arrived in Texas . Upon entering a church in Fort Worth, Tx., behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents. Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?"

The pastor, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now. This is God's country...it's a local call."


Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news.

"Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.

"Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?"

"No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out."

About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright.

"Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie.
"That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"
•The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
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•My God, I'm outliving my henna.
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Old 02-02-2009, 01:19 PM
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Colorado Rick Colorado Rick is offline
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Location: Parker, CO
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I was just trying keep Monie from getting too bored.

Look what happened! hehe cool!
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